Oh My!

The purpose of this blog is to vent and hopefully come to my senses at the end.


A little background about me when it comes to men, dating, and relationships.
I cringed as I wrote relationships, that should say something.


I recently got out of a long relationship, a relationship that got the best of me and turned me into a monster at times. It turned me into someone I didn't recognize after a while. I couldn't believe the harsh things that would come out of my mouth out of anger. I was unhappy for the last few months, but I didn't have the guts to end it. When fate finally ended it for us, I was relieved. I was so happy to not have anyone to please, I enjoyed my space and I loved that I had no one to fight with.


Even though I got over everything pretty quickly, I took several months to myself and just focused on school. I got so used to being single, I was content with it. For the first time in my life, I enjoyed it. Yes, I still wanted to meet my future husband and complained that I am tired of being single. But the truth is, the single life grew on me.


After a couple of horrible dates, I met "Ray". We have been seeing more of each other this past week and it dawned on me that this might actually be going somewhere..


Yes, I do enjoy spending time with Ray, we do have chemistry, he is very easy to get along with, he has all the qualities I am looking for, but why am I still not satisfied?


The thing about me is.. I need to control everything! I need to know that everything I do, has a goal that I will accomplish in the end. I need to know where relationships will go so I don't waste my time. I need to know that me and the other person are on the same page. As much as I want to leave everything to fate because I really do believe in it, I push a little.. fine, I push a lot! And because of this, I don't get to enjoy the person I am with entirely.


When I do end up liking someone, which doesn't happen often and I feel it starting to get serious, I push away. I look for every reason to not continue dating them, I get confused and worked up for nothing.


After talking to my mother today, she wasn't too pleased with the idea of me not interested in relationships anymore. She told me I cannot go through life comparing the new guy to the old one.


I wasn't comparing per se, I just don't want to get hurt again. I don't want to get sucked into something that will not work out. I do however, want to take that leap of faith. I want fate to decide with who I end up and when.


I want to be able to enjoy a person's company without having a crazy check-off list in my mind and trying to find a deal breaker.


I say this to everyone all the time, and for once I am going to take my advice; I am going to literally take it one day at a time, and leave it up to the heavens to bring me my match. I am going to keep dating Ray and hopefully his heart is sincere, and if that doesn't work out, hopefully this will be an experience that will benefit me and teach me more about myself. After all, Ray does take me out of my comfort zone, and I have never tried something like that before, but I will give this my all!


XOXO

First kiss!

Good afternoon bloggers,


As I sit here enjoying a warm cup of coffee on a gloomy day, I am excited to share my wonderful date recap!


"Ray" and I went out last night again! As I was primping for my date, I was very excited and I noticed I was getting more and more nervous. Of course my best friend took that opportunity to gush over this fact and tease me. This is new to me, I leave all the emotional crap at the door and don't really open up to anyone, let alone let myself like someone.


I decided to go casual - jeans. I haven't worn jeans in so long, I forgot what a nice ass I have and still don't understand how an ass like that is still single.


Anyways, Ray took me out to dinner, we barely ate though because we were so into the conversation. I don't think there was a minute where Ray did not make me laugh, or smile even. And that is HUGE for me! If a man is not able to make me laugh, it will never work.


After dinner Ray took me to an arcade - I had a blast! I haven't done anything like that since I was a little girl. As Ray and I were talking, all of a sudden it's like the world stopped and we were the only ones in the room..Ray looked down at me (mind you I stand at five feet tall), he smiled at me and kissed me!


At that very moment I felt like I was on cloud nine. The fact that it was a small fast kiss and made me feel something I have never felt before with someone I have only went out with a couple of times, is a huge deal to me.


I couldn't even concentrate on the games we were playing after that. I just wanted to rip his clothes apart and..


Let me not get carried away over here..


I was up most of the night thinking about the wonderful time I had. I haven't had this much fun with a person in a really long time. I thought I had nice dates before, but this one beat them all. It was romantic and fun. I can see Ray being someone I can even have fun watching a movie and cooking dinner with.


Maybe I was good this year after all =)


XOXO

Blue Eyes!

One thing I love on a man are blue eyes (I'll settle for green too).  I had another date over the weekend, and it went..well! (Yes, I did look confused while writing this because..let's face it, my dates never go well. Anyways, as you might have guessed, he did have blue eyes, eyes that make you feel at ease when you look into them and no, I didn't drink anything today, that was last night. Man, did I do a lot of drinking last night!

Okay, back to my date; let's call him Ray.

Ray got major points when he pulled up in front of my house, got out of the car to properly greet me, and open the passenger door for me. One of my pet peeves is a man lacking chivalry! It is VERY crucial for a man to properly greet himself, especially if it's a first date! I'm not sure how much more clear I can make this for all the men out there!!

Ray took me for desert and it was delicious! One great quality about Ray is his enthusiasm and positive outlook on pretty much anything. You don't come across people like that often. I really enjoyed his company, so when we went for a three hour walk after desert in thirty degree weather, I didn't mind.

Ray actually cared about what I had to say, most importantly he had interest in what I do! Not many people want to hear all the wonderful stories regarding dentistry, especially over cake. But I have a passion for it, so you better tolerate it!

The walk with Ray was..magical! Not only did we have the entire view of the city, but there were Christmas lights everywhere! Ray was very easy to get along with, he was charming and witty. And he made me laugh the entire night!

This date was nothing more then desert and good conversation, but to me it was a little more..

To me, this date was hope in a way. It made me believe that there is someone out there looking for me, that even though it didn't work out with my last relationship, something better will come along. It gave me hope to keep believing in fate and all of life's mysteries. Ray gave me butterflies to the point where I didn't want to say goodnight, I wanted to get back into the car and just keep driving and learn everything about Ray. And that is a huge deal for me.

I'm not getting any expectations considering it was only one date so far, but it was a date that kept me up most of the night replaying it in my head. When someone leaves an impression like that, you take a leap of fate regardless how scared you are to get hurt again, to let someone new in your life and not know how it will turn out. To open up to someone new and make memories with them. We can only take it one day at a time and make the best of it!

XOXO

Jello Cerebellum

I went from online shopping, to online dating. Isn't it amazing how far technology has come? Not only does chivalry not exist anymore, but it is impossible to run into a handsome man in the middle of rush hour and have all my belongings flying in the air, then we will both bend down to pick up my things, our eyes will lock, and the rest will be history! Okay, fine I watch way too many romantic comedies but a gal does need a break from the hectic world of dentistry every now and then.


I had a date a few days ago, an unsuccessful date. He was cute, successful, smart, and we had great conversation. Sounds like a good date right? I thought so too, until all of a sudden, a weird look appeared upon his face - like this date was the last place he wanted to be at that very moment. He excused himself to use the restroom and I just sat there trying to put the puzzle pieces together. He returned, and so did his look. I knew right then that I will not be hearing from him ever again.


That night as I was tossing in bed, I was replaying the entire night, I knew he found me attractive, he was flirting after all, and didn't rush to take me home. It must have been something I said. Or maybe my perfume was too strong for his liking? Or maybe my outfit was too much for him? Or maybe my heels intimidated him? Let's face it, he isn't the tallest man out there. I came to the conclusion that it is not me, it never is us, it's always them. Men find a great woman, lead her on, and never call again. It's like their cerebellum turns into jello when it comes to dating.


Is it that hard to say "Hey, it was great meeting you, but I am not interested? I'd rather take that then wonder the next day why he won't be calling! I don't know how much more alcohol my liver can handle to withstand these horrible dates but at least I'm not the one paying for these drinks =P


XOXO

Strip Club Addict

Good morning bloggers, I have been keeping up with my Challenge and it is time for me to vent.

First date was last weekend with a successful attorney. We went out for coffee, the conversation was great, he was easy on the eyes, and did I mention he was an attorney? He suggested a walk after our coffee. We took a long walk and then he drove me home. I was into him and I thought he was into me as well, but he never called me after that night. What threw me off was the fact that not only did we sit in the cafe for two hours but then he suggested a walk, this made me believe he was into me. At least now I have Lawyer crossed off my list!

I had my second date last night, this was honestly the WORST date of my life! I thought I had bad dates before, but this definitely takes the top of the list. I was actually excited for this date, he seemed like such a down to earth individual. Seemed being the keyword here.

So, he picked me up and ALREADY was texting away on his cell phone. That is beyond rude! Clearly he is not aware of setting a good first impression. As soon as we started driving, I felt that I was starring in a Circus. This man had music blasting and was fist pumping the whole way to the restaurant WHILE driving. If he wasn't fist pumping, he was banging his steering wheel. I wanted to jump out of the car and run for my life! As we approached the restaurant, there were a few strip clubs in the area, he was repeating the names to himself for future reference. I was not surprised at that point.

We got to the restaurant, the phone was still out, and there was no attempt at conversation on his part. I think he really forgot he was on a date! You can just imagine that dinner didn't go any better so I will get to the end of the night. As we walked back to his car, a woman walked by with her boyfriend, one thing is to do a subtle glance but my ignorant date turned his ENTIRE TORSO around, stood there and watched her walk away as I continued to walk and talk to myself. That was the last straw for me. And yes, we did pass another strip club that he jotted down in his mind and seemed very excited about. This man is in his late twenties, and still single, my date explains why.

The great thing about all of this? He actually had a good time between his texting and lack of conversation, amazing!

Now I am looking for my next mission to conquer and I don't think it can get worse than last night.

XOXO

2 Month Challenge!

As the days get colder and the year draws to an end, a thought occurred to me: It is time for me to get back up on my high horse and start dating. I swear my face just cringed to that. You see, life plays a cruel joke on me every year around this time; I somehow always end up single and spend my winter dating countless men. Most of them turn out to be horrible dates BUT there is always a successful one that turns into something more, until it all falls apart by the end of the year.

I already have my outfit planned out and know exactly what eyeshadow combination I will use BUT the man part is missing. I am surrounded by men all day long, literally every corner I turn, there is an eligible bachelor walking my way, but somehow I cannot pick up a date.

So with that being said, I made a challenge for myself : Go on at least one date per every two weeks until this year comes to an end. Sounds crazy, huh? Maybe so, but I am young, hot, and need to get back out there and make up for all the fun I have been missing out on these past few months.

Wish me luck, XOXO